The record of offense in my heart was like trying to lift a china closet by myself. From the moment I tried, I knew it was too heavy. There was a great wonder in my mind, as to why I would even attempt to do this by myself, as I felt the lost of sincere breath, and the pain in my chest. But to think, that every time I took offense, I bottled it up as a display within a china closet. It was too heavy for me to bear...
But... he was faithful. He removed it as though it was never there.
Falling back in Love: The Removal of Doubt
Who would have ever known my heart would have held onto these blissful moments, when one could do no wrong. The silent peace of love overriding my heart, the possibilities of forever, and the smiles that yearned desperately for a confirmation of protection would become the delay of my heart's journey in love; Thus becoming the beginning of a wrong turn, embedded into the spirit of doubt. How my moments of love at its strongest turned into loss, as doubt was now sitting at my door. Preventing me from going there again with all my heart and soul, saying... "Keep me just in case". Just in case it doesn't work out, or just in case it is a lie...Just in case it isn't true, or just in case it hurts again...Just in case I'm wrong. My case of doubt spoke two premises in whose conclusion was a love...given, yet received only 80 percent. I just hadn't been able to go no further...
But...he showed me...
He drew back to my mind that love that had me floating in paradise on Earth. That love, whose looks gave me the faith to travel into places within love I never dared to go. He exposed to me the many possibilities of love since that loss, in which ended ultimately in a loss, because doubt hung above my head before my heart journey's interstate, reading...
"What if"..... and "Just in case"
Because of it, I never proceeded further. The best promises, I would remain at that fork in the road, just looking ahead at the doors of opportunity. The most risky promises of love, I simply turned and walked away. Back down that same road of fear, anxiety, lust, and comforts of the world; Lacking the real fruit, but able to replicate what was once felt. For the replication was less risky and still gave me the illusion of overcoming. I would just imagine myself walking past those two signs, full of faith, fearless, and just around the corner from love, peace, joy, and happiness. The reality would soon come as I would need another dose of illusion, some form of distraction, or comfort foods to keep me in my disillusioned bliss of false love.
Who would have known, the day I asked you to give me fruit, that this cycle would end.
He was faithful... He removed Doubt.
He caused those signs to disappear and now all I can see in my life is the many doors of possibilities. Not of money, nor of success or fine linen... or anything the world could have to offer me... But of endless love. The possibilities of me loving my husband, my children, my church, my brothers, and sisters in Christ, and my entire family, without the fear of losing them preventing me from taking it all in; From love... at 100 percent. He showed me at the end of this portion of my heart's vision... my youngest son. How my love and quest for that endless love had manifested into the relationship between he and I. How I had nothing to fear of him not loving me, or being thrilled that I existed. Then I asked myself... how can I love all my children this same way?...
To feel this same way for everyone I knew and for those I had not yet known...
He...He is...
He is real. And every doubt I ever had of the potential of Jesus not being real just died. So subtle did it exist in my mind, that I couldn't see it preventing my faith from growing.
He is faithful... He removed everything.
I'm writing this today, in such a late hour because I needed to tell you all... He is real. As I lay in my bed... fear of the awe of his validity has gripped me. The feeling... I'm really being heard, but even more frightening...being watched. Watched by a great God who can do all things, yet is patient and is faithful to reward those who have faith in who he really is!!!
As in my current case...the faith of a mustard seed.
Truly this day, the God we serve has replaced the pain in my heart of lost love with the endless doors of opportunities of love 100 percent with everyone!!! Not just that one person I first fell in love with. And most of all, being that I can now see our God is capable of removing all pain from our hearts, all doubt of who he is has now been erased... and I stand now in awe that we serve a real, Great God as this!!! I can never look at my circumstances the same, nor wonder if my prayers are being heard, or if everything I say and do is or isn't known. I'm here to tell you today...
The God You Serve Is Real!!!! And so that you not faint in his presence...
Repent from not believing he is...
Repent from doubts that have led you into sin, so that you can stand in the day he speaks of
I tell you this with full persuasion...Every word he spoke...Every Word...
Will surely come to pass.
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